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As a teenager
who grew up in the small Eastern Kentucky town of Pikeville, I
had dreams of becoming an Air Force Pilot. When I graduated from
High School and went on to Eastern Kentucky University, I kept
those dreams alive, and during my senior year of college I
passed the exams with the Air Force, and signed on to fulfill my
dreams. A few weeks later, I received a correspondence to return
to Wright Air Force Base. They needed to do another hearing
test. They thought they might have turned the machine off too
early, causing a bad reading. Upon completion of the second
test, they found out that I had a high frequency hearing loss
and it was not correctable. All of my dreams were shattered.
I turned to a
friend I had known since I was a boy, asking why something like
this could happen. My friend consoled me and through his
comfort, I realized that I was young and would find other
opportunities in life. I took a job at a Bank and worked my way
up the ranks to become Vice President of Consumer Lending. I
continued my education, receiving a Graduate Degree in Consumer
Banking. I became very civic minded, serving as President of the
Pikeville Jaycees and President of the Pikeville Chamber of
Commerce as well as being elected to the Pikeville Independent
School Board, a position I held for twenty years, the last
eleven as Chairman.
I was married
with three wonderful children. I served as lay lender for my
church and sang in the choir. I eventually fulfilled my lifelong
dream of flying by becoming a private pilot, flying small
aircraft as a hobby. After thirteen years of service, I lost my
job and once again, my life was in shambles. I met with my
minister and he told me, “You might not understand this right
now, but God has a reason for everything”. My response was;
“You’re right, I don’t understand it”.
Once again, I
turned to my friend who comforted me and assured me that
everything would be okay. I took a job as a controller for a
large coal company and worked there for a year before being
offered an opportunity to become an investment broker. I served
in that capacity for the next nineteen years, becoming a very
successful member of the community.
Then one day,
I was approached by some people who asked if I would be
interested in purchasing an old hotel in the heart of Pikeville.
I studied the proposal and spoke with the bank who agreed to
loan me the money for the project as soon as the demolition was
completed. After careful consideration, I decided to buy that
building. After all, it had been an eyesore as well as a fire
hazard for the downtown area for some time.
My plan was to
tear out the interior of the building and turn it into an
apartment building. After all, the city needed housing. I spent
every penny I had to get that building ready for the
construction phase. At that point, I went back to the bank to
obtain the loan for the completion. But, the bank had a change
of heart. They would not lend me the money. Once again, I was
devastated. I didn’t know where to turn.
I went back to
the office and found a fax on my machine. It stated, “We are
looking for loans from $500,000.00 to $5,000,000.00. I promptly
called the number, which was a venture capitalist in
Fayetteville, Arkansas. After describing the project, the
venture capitalist faxed me an application which I promptly
completed and returned to them. The following morning, they
called me and said that my loan had been approved and I should
have the money within 30 to 60 days. I was instructed to send
them a cashier’s check for $75,000.00 as a loan guarantee and
documentation fee which I promptly did. I felt much more secure
now knowing that the funds would soon be there. At the same
time, I was concerned about the young men working for me. All of
my funds were depleted and my only options were to shut the
project down until the money arrived, putting several men out of
work, or to borrow the money on a short term basis until the
loan proceeds came in. all of these young men had families to
feed and I didn’t have the heart to lay them off while I waited
for the funds.
I decided to
borrow money from clients by selling short term bonds. There
were no bonds but surely the money would be there to cover those
bonds before they were due. Weeks turned into months and the
money still wasn’t there. From the time I took the first money,
I was miserable but kept taking more and more in an attempt to
invest and make the money back that I had taken. It only made
matters worse. The money never came. I had been taken by a con
artist and in turn, had become one myself. I took every kind of
pain medication known to man but it didn’t help the pain. I was
finally questioned by auditors and I broke down and told them
what I had done. My whole world had fallen apart. I had lied,
stolen and cheated the very people I loved so much.
That night, I
drove around the country roads with a pistol to my side. In my
heart, I knew I couldn’t face the embarrassment and humiliation
that I would have to go through. I put the gun to my head
several times but a voice kept telling me, “You’ll never know
how the story ends”. By some divine intervention, I made it home
that night. In tears, I apologized to my family and tried to
prepare myself for what lie ahead. In the following weeks, I met
with my minister many times, but still had a hard time dealing
with the pain and depression. I wasn’t able to forgive myself
for what I had done.
A few weeks
had passed and a family friend had called from Lexington,
Kentucky and said that I should call on a minister from her
church. She said this minister had been through some of the same
kind of problems I was experiencing and he might be able to
comfort me. I called the minister and asked if I could meet with
him and he agreed. A short time later, I drove to Lexington and
met with this minister. Over lunch, I discussed the depression
and guilt I had been feeling. I told the minister that I was
having a hard time forgiving myself for what I had done. He
responded by saying; “How do you expect God to forgive you if
you can’t forgive yourself”? Those were the only words I
remembered from the entire conversation. They played in my mind
over and over again as I made the drive back to Pikeville. I
knew I had to come to the realization that even though I had
done something very wrong, life had to continue. I had to find a
way to make a positive out of all this.
I went home
and met with my own minister and requested a brief time during
the Sunday service that I could apologize to my church family.
For the first time in a long while, I called on my friend who
had always given me the strength and guidance that I needed to
get through the tough times. My friend gave me a sense of peace
and helped me to build the strength for what I knew I had to do.
A few days later, on a Sunday morning, I walked to the pulpit
and apologized to my church family for what I had done and asked
them for their forgiveness as I had asked God for several days
before that.
A short time
later, I was taken to a Federal prison where I would have to
serve a two year sentence. The charges of misappropriation of
funds were dropped and I was charged with one count of wire
fraud. I entered the prison a humbled man. The government had
taken all of my assets including my investment properties, my
home, my vehicles and all other assets. I was penniless but I
knew I had to pay the price for what I had done.
The first
night in prison was hard. I cried myself to sleep wondering how
I could have been so foolish to do something like this. But,
with my strong Christian beliefs and my renewed commitment to
Christ, I adjusted quickly to prison life. I found many people
in that prison that were just like me. There were doctors,
lawyers, accountants and businessmen mixed in with drug dealers
and all other kinds of people. But, there was one difference, I
had an inner strength that kept me going and I felt as if I had
to help as many as I could.
There was one
occasion when several of the inmates were sitting around a bench
in the prison yard talking about all of their reasons for being
in there. They were telling stories of how they were set up and
how they were innocent of the crimes. They turned to me and
asked, “What about you?” My response to them was, “It sounds
like I am the only guilty party here”. It was with that
willingness to admit the truth that eased the tensions of my
fellow inmates. Even the head-strong drug dealers and those
convinced that they could do a better job at not getting caught
again would eventually come to me for advice. I would always
encourage them to get their life in order and provide an honest
way to provide for themselves. I found myself consoling those
who were depressed and easing the tensions of those who were at
odds.
I took a job
in the education center of the prison teaching those who didn’t
have a high school diploma, assisting them with getting their
GED. I took a different attitude toward the inmates, showing
them compassion. If they had a problem, I had a special calm
about me that would allow them to be at ease about learning.
With my help, the prison education center had the largest number
of graduates in the history of the prison. When my job was
complete, and all of the students had earned their GED, I took a
job as camp driver. My job was to see that the other prisoners
were taken to their different jobs and picked up at the end of
the day. I was also the one that the prison selected to drive
the released inmates to the bus station, some 15 miles away.
This was normally done at 3:00am.
While in
prison, I attempted to make plans for my future. I had spoken to
my wife about moving to Charlotte, North Carolina where my
daughter lived. She was married with two children. Her husband
was a Periodontist, starting his own practice in the Charlotte
area. I thought it would be wonderful to be near my daughter,
son-in-law and grandchildren. A new start, in a new community,
but, a few weeks later, a conversation with my wife revealed
that my daughter and son-in-law thought it would be best if I
didn’t come to Charlotte. They were getting ready to open a new
office and they felt that my felony record might hurt their
efforts in getting the business going. In other words, they
would be ashamed to have me around. I was hurt deeply by that,
but I understood.
I was released
to a halfway house at the Pike County Jail to serve the final
six months of my sentence. I found employment, working through
the day and spending the nights there in the jail. It became
very depressing to try and work, wondering how the people around
me would accept me. I had a hard time with the depression and
wondering how I was going to survive financially. During this
time, my wife and I were growing further apart. My children had
drifted away, distancing themselves from their father who had
disgraced them.
Just two days
before I was to be released from the halfway house, my wife told
me she wanted me to leave. I left without discussion, ending a
34 year marriage. I was now alone and wondering if I had any
friends left in this world. I stayed with my mother for a few
days and then decided that it would be best if I left the
Pikeville area.
Once again, I
called upon my friend; he comforted me and assured me that
everything would be okay. I moved to Lexington in an attempt to
find a new life. All I had was the clothing, a nice wardrobe
that I had accumulated over the years as a successful stock
broker. I found an apartment and settled in. I was attending
church regularly and working hard to rebuild my life. I was open
to my co-workers about my past and everyone seemed to accept me.
Even though I was lonely at times, I always had a smile on my
face.
My work was
not very rewarding. I was forced into bankruptcy due to the
unpaid debts I had prior to going to prison. For a while, I
found myself living in a small, one room efficiency apartment,
sleeping on the floor because I had no furniture. However, I was
content with that because I didn’t concern myself with material
things.
I had visited
several churches and even considered one of them as my future
home until one Sunday morning; I decided to visit the minister
who had helped me through this difficult time. I walked into
that church, not knowing what to expect and even though I was a
stranger, I felt something very special about the people there.
I saw that minister and shook his hand and was greeted with a
smile and a welcome. There was something else. My friend was
there as well. I felt that warm feeling of comfort knowing that
my friend was close. The music was special that day and the
message was so powerful that I had to go back the next Sunday.
Once again, I saw that minister that had helped me through the
tough times. I asked him if he remembered me and as he looked at
me, he saw a familiar face but he couldn’t remember where we had
met. I explained to him about our meeting and how he had helped
me through that tough time and he smiled and told me that he had
just done the same thing with another man just a few days
earlier. I knew then that this minister and this church were
special.
That
minister’s name is Whit Criswell and though he didn’t remember
my face, I knew that he wasn’t in it for his own glory, but for
the glory of God. The church, well, that was NorthEast Christian
Church and everyone there is like that. Everyone there has
played a big part in helping me to put my life back together
again. Me? I am Reggie Smith, a sinner saved by the Grace of
God.
Oh, and the
friend I have spoken of. The one I had always called upon when I
needed help. Well, that would be God. He has always been there
for me. All I ever needed to do was ask. The one time that I
failed to call on Him, He didn’t leave me. He gave me the
strength to survive in the time that I could have easily ended
my life. He gave me the strength to help others while I was in
prison. He saw that I was lost when I moved to a new place and
brought me to this wonderful church where I could be close to
Him. He helped me to become a member of this wonderful choir
family and He has given me an inner peace that surpasses
anything that I have ever witnessed.
My children
have all come back to me, one by one. God is using me as a
witness, not for myself but for the glory of God. It is my
prayer that one day my children will once again tell me that
they are proud of me. Not for accumulating great wealth but for
being a father who has fallen short of their expectations and
had the strength and courage to pick up the pieces of his
shattered life and build something that they can be proud of.
I realize that
bad things happen to good people. I have witnessed that first
hand. I know that people loose track of God and think that they
can make it on their own. Most fall on their face, as I did but
the lucky ones are those who admit their mistakes and
acknowledge they can’t make it without God’s help. I know that
God has a reason for everything. None of us know what He has in
store for us but this I do know. God saw something in me that I
didn’t see in myself. He deemed me worthy of saving. He never
promised that it would be easy but I know that He will not put
anything on us that we can’t handle, as long as we believe in
Him. We simply have to serve Him and see how the story ends.
Though I
thought I had lost all of my worldly possessions, I only lost
the material things. I was able to salvage what was most
important in my life. I salvaged my smile and my great love for
God which have strengthened me over time and with those things,
I can serve Him in ways that most people couldn’t imagine.
Now, I don’t
dream of material things. Instead, I work hard to be there for
others. Whether it be to share my story, or more often to listen
to others and the struggles they may be experiencing. It’s
amazing how we don’t have to look for others who need our help;
they are all around us and most of the time, you simply have to
listen to realize all they need is a smile or a hug.
What a
wonderful God we have. One, who forgives us of our sins, never
holds anything against us and gives us the opportunity to put
our lives back together again. It’s never too late to start
again.
Reggie Smith
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